Alas poor blender...

... I knew thee well.
So Will has been making a horseradish sauce... I'm not quiet sure what it is, because I find horseradish to be terrifying, so I've stayed far away from his concoction.
After hand shredding about 1.5 lbs of horseradish root, and letting it steep in vinegar for several days, he decided that the shred wasn't fine enough. To fix this, tried to run the mixture through the blender. This would have been okay, however the horseradish was very, very, very, tough, and he overfilled the blender jar. After about 30 seconds of trying to grind through some very angry horseradish, our poor blender gave out a belch of smoke and died.
Now while the loss of the blender is sad, Will swears that the horseradish sauce is turning out brilliantly. It certainly is a pretty color!

Wills Terrifying Horseradish Sauce
1.5 lbs fresh horseradish root
1.5 lbs beets
1 lbs carrot
12 cloves of garlic
32 oz good white vinegar
2 one quart mason jars

Peal and finely shred the root vegetables, transfer into a sterile mason jar. Boil vinegar, and pour over the vegetable mixture.
Allow to sit in the sun for a few days, and then transfer to the fridge for long term storage.

With how tough the horseradish is I recommend shredding the horseradish by hand or with an old fashioned salad shooter. But then again, maybe I'm just overly paranoid.

Convention Food

Over the past few years, my husband and I had run a booth at fantasy conventions. The problem with running a booth, especially when you are essentially the only booth staff, is the shortage of good food options. Sure, you can order a pizza, or maybe pay $20 for a burger from the hotel bar, but ultimately con food, is probably worse than road food. The other problem I've found after 3 years of vending, is the fact that I just don't get hungry. Between the excitement, the stress, and the constant flow of friends and aquantances stopping by to say "hello", I forget to eat; and eventually forget that I'm hungry!
This past convention, knowing that I am prone to practically a 3 day fast, I planned ahead, and not only ate realatively well, but also managed to feed a couple of starved con participants.
Convention survival food:
Ramen noodles: First off, you can cook the noodles/ very easily with if you have a coffee pot and a thermos coffee mug. Run hot water through your coffee maker, break up the ramen into your coffee cup, add flavour packet, top off with hot water. The key to having a good experience with ramen is not to settle of the stuff they sell in the pasta section of the grocery store. Check the international food section, or go to an Asian grocer.
Peanut butter and jelly: This is a great source of energy, even if it is a little bit messy. A loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly will get you through a convention. If you bring a couple of bananas with you, that makes even better easy food.
GORP: grab some trail mix. Find the good stuff, that you want to eat, and keep the bag somewhere you'll see it. This way, you can graze your way through the convention.
Summer sausage or jerky: since the above foods are carbohydrate heavy (not to mention can be a bit sweet) I tend to get a little tired of them towards the end of the second day. Summer sausage or beef jerky make a welcome savory snack, or, if you brought some cheese, you can make a tasty sandwich. Hard cheeses like chedder can usually withstand a few days without refrigeration, however use your own judgement on weather your want to ignore the "keep refrigerated" label from the fine folks at the USDA.
Fresh fruit and veggies are also a welcome snack, just make sure that you don't leave him in a hot car!
You know, writing this makes me wonder if I can come up with a completely savory trail mix... Check back later, there may be shenanigans in the kitchen!

Lastly, if you're not afraid of having very angry hotel staff, you can always sneak in an electric skillet. Do this at your own risk, some hotels have rules against cooking in your room. For me, by the end of the second night, I'm near willing to sell my soul for something hot (especially if all I've eaten in the past 36 hours is PB&J), so the risk is worth it. You will want to have a cooler handy to keep this food cold, fortunately hotels provide free ice!


Cooking utensils:
Electric skillet
Knife
Plastic spatula
Cutting board
Plates and forks
Cooler
Plastic or metal bowl (able to hold at least 3 cups)


Convention Comfort Food
The best part about this recipe is that you can add pretty much anything you want to it. Last time I made it, we happened to have kale around, and it didn't taste half bad. If you don't want to worry about having to keep the precooked sausage on ice, you can always use summer sausage instead, since that is shelf stable.
1 package pre-cooked polenta
2 medium tomatoes
1 tsp Italian seasoning
4 precooked sausages of your choice (chorizo works really well)
1/2 block of 8oz cheddar
salt and pepper to taste
oil or butter (generally you can snag a pat of butter from the hotels restaurant)

Heat oil in the skillet at the medium setting. Chop up the tomatoes and saute them with the seasonings until they become tender. Crumble the polenta into the skillet, and slowly add between half to a whole coffee cup of water. It's okay if you add too much, you can always cook the polenta longer. Chop the sausage and cook with the polenta tomato mixture. Let everything cook together stirring occasionally. Meanwhile finely chop the cheese, when the mixture is close to being done, stir in the cheese, and turn off the skillet.
Feeds 4

Just Want Eggs
By the last morning of the convention I generally feel like a zombie, this little number is a life saver if you have time to cook it before check out.
6 eggs
3 slices of bread, cubed (remember that bread you packed for PB&J?)
2 oz cheese
salt and pepper to taste
your favorite seasoning blend
butter or oil
pre-cooked sausage (if you have any left over from the previous night)

Heat the skillet to its medium setting, and toast the bread cubes and left over sausage. Beat the eggs with a little bit of water salt, pepper and seasonings, depending on the size of the mixing bowl you brought, you might need to do it batches. Pour the eggs over the toasted bread, add cheese, and cover. After about a minute remove the lid and lift the edges of the egg (which should have begun to puff up) and allow any still liquid egg to run underneath the cooked egg. Cover again and cook until there is no more runny egg in the middle, and the bottom is nicely browned.
Feeds 4

Stupid pilot light.

I tried to make puff pastry chicken turnovers. Or I should say, I tried to. Apparently closing the oven door blew out the burner and the pilot light, when I put the turnovers in the oven. I should have known that something was wrong when the apartment didn't smell like pastry when the kitchen timer went off. Drat.

True love is in air flow.

My husband, Will and I are creeping up on our two year anniversary. Which brings with it a sudden mad scramble in the household. You see, my husbands birthday happens to be nine days prior to our anniversary, which makes me kind of crazy, since I want to spoil him and make up for the random romantic gestures he manages to find time for, while at the same time trying not to break the bank, and get two thoughtful and awesome gifts. On the other side of the coin, is Will's fanatical desire to come up with something really spectacular, something meaningful, something that will leave me glassy eyed with joy. Out of the two of us, he has been winning the gift giving game.
For example, last year, he got me an antique secretary from the store that I work at. This wouldn't seem like such a big deal, except I had been drooling on it for about 2 months. Upping the wow factor was that he had the store owner tell me that the secretary had sold, and then had her help him sneak it into our living room, and cover it in roses, while I peacefully slept in the other room. I'm ashamed to say, all I got him was a pin. It was a really cool sterling pin, which he liked, and wears, but, I still feel lame.
This years present comes with a bit of a back story. You see, my driver side window had to be glued shut a few years back, when the mechanism that allowed it to stay closed broke. At the time we didn't have the time or money to do the repair, so we just glued the window and hoped for the best. J B Weld did the job rather nicely, but sadly my cars AC was also out, which made summer driving a nightmare.
A couple of weeks ago, Will met me at the front door, "I know this is kinda early, the color is wrong, and I can't get it installed without your help," he said sheepishly "but I got you your anniversary present in the living room". I came into the apartment rather confused, to find a dark green car door leaning up against the entertainment unit. My squeal of joy sent the cats, and my husband ducking for cover.
The next clear day we hauled the new car door outside to install it. After a few glitches (not having the proper wrench size, breaking a handle, almost breaking the lock) I have air flow whenever I want! I'm also frantically racking my brain for something really cool to get him, because, you guessed it, I got him a pin.

Laughs at the Library

Here is an idea for some cheap fun, next time you're feeling particular rowdy. Don your best 90s grunge outfit, or maybe your favorite vampire outfit, or a black leather trenchcoat, and go to your public library. Approach the help desk, and ask them for a copy of "Everything I want to do is Illegal". Better yet, wear your faux Bob Marley dreadlocks, and tell the librarian that this is an "agriculture book".
Most likely you will be given a hairy eyeball, and told that they do not stock that title. However, if you're really lucky, you might be shown to the location of the book.
The title in question is a rather entertaining read by Joel Salatin, which discusses his adventures running a 100 acre farm in the Shenandoah Valley down in VA. The illegal acts he wants to perform are daredevil antics like, selling unwashed eggs, raw milk, selling his home butchered beef, and making and selling sausages that are made with organ meat mixed with regular ground meat. He doesn't want to do this in secret, or unsuspecting consumers, but rather to people that for one reason or another would like to have access to such things.
For those of you who might not be familiar with why someone might want to buy raw milk (it wouldn't be illegal if it was safe, right?), I for one have found that raw milk makes a better cheese, and for some reason does not exacerbate eczema in myself, as well as my brother and his two little girls. Sadly, living in MD I have easier access to street drugs, than to raw dairy.
The book is rather enlightening to the restrictions in our food systems today. At times it does get a bit preachy, but it's kind of endearing to see someone so passionate about the subject.
My local library does not carry this title, but they did have another title, "Folk This Ain't Normal" which I will be reading with great gusto over the next few weeks!

Pets

Call it the nesting instinct from hell, a rabid desire for land to call my own, or a great way to procrastinate, my tiny apartment is home to much more than just my husband and I. Currently my two bedroom apartment houses a roommate, two slightly chubby cats, a Beta named George, 11 different herbs, fruit trees, and house plants, as well as a colony of earth worms. The relationship between all of these pets, is a little like a juggling act combined with a game of rock paper scissors.
George lives on the top shelf of a book case, that the cats are strongly discouraged from taking interest in. The roommate has mostly banned the cats from his bedroom, due to their feindish desire to knock things over (specifically the play station). The worms are tucked under the kitchen counter, where the younger cat has taken a liking to sleeping. (I'm yet to decide if this hurts the worms, or may be unhealthy for the cat.)
Lastly, the plants have taken over 2.5 window sills and have generated a rather fetching substitution to curtains.
One of the most important things I've learned from my flora and fauna experience has been to add new items slowly. Each plant has its own requirements, and adding too many of them at once, has led to more than one plant fatality. Lastly, when you have cats around, high shelves are your friend.

Salad, it might as well be dessert.

When I was little I had really weird food "allergies". It was dairy triggered eczema, but no one knew that at the time, the only thing we knew is that I would be really really itchy, ALL THE TIME. In an attempt to rule out what caused it, I was on a really weird diet. No sugar. No starch. No egg yolks. Minimal wheat. Certain fruit were banned. Milk, however was okay. Needless to say, I stayed itchy for years.
The "no sugar" rule was pretty hard. In an attempt to curb how much I ate, I was only allowed to have sweets once in a blue moon. Occasionally, if I whined an awful lot, the ban on sugar was lifted for a carrot salad, my grandma used to make. The salad consisted of just two ingredients, shredded carrots, and a little bit of sugar.
Having grown up, my tastes have matured slightly, so carrots and sugar, while a nice comfort food, don't really do it for me anymore.

Annie's Carrot Salad:
5 large carrots
2 tart apples
Juice of half a lemon
1/3 cup raisins
1/3 cup pumpkin seeds
1 - 2 TBSP sugar
1/4 cup sweetened condensed milk (optional)
1/4 tsp garam masala
generous dash cinnamon
dash of salt

Peel the carrots and apples. Shred the apples, and toss with lemon juice. Shred the carrots and toss with the apples. Add remaining ingredients and toss. The flavors of this salad really improve after a day in the refrigerator.

Sour Cream Carrot Salad:
5 large carrots
1/3 cup craisins
dash cinnamon
1-2 TBSP sugar
1/3 cup sour cream
dash salt

Peel and shred the carrots. Toss with remaining ingredients. This is best if allowed to rest for a few hours for the flavors to blend. You can also use creme fraiche for a milder flavor.

Scrap Cheese

Over the last couple of years, my husband has become a bit of a cheese freak. Working at an health food store, he gets a really good deal on gourmet cheese that is about to "go off" (expire). Thus, our veggie crisper occasionally finds itself overwhelmed with cheese. Needless to say if we ever host a part, the snack food of choice is cheese and crackers. The problem arises at the end of the shindig, when there might be a vast variety of pieces of cheese. My favorite solution to this plethora of cheesy odds and ends is Pub Cheese.

Pub Cheese
1 lb cheese bits, finely shredded.
3/4 cup dark beer or amber beer
1/2 cup butter at room temperature
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp malt vinegar (optional)
1 tsp dry mustard
1/2 tsp dry herbs (dill, oregano, rosemary, or thyme work well)
Pinch of cayenne pepper
Salt if needed
Clarified butter

Combine cheese, mustard, herbs, and cover with beer, and stir to combine. Cover mixture and allow it to sit for several hours for the cheese to soften; if the mixture is largely comprised of hard cheese you might have to let it sit overnight.
Place the butter into a food processor and blend until creamy. Add the beer and cheese mixture, Worcestershire sauce, pepper, and cayenne; process until combined and smooth. Taste for seasoning, and add salt if needed.
Pack the cheese into serving crocks and smooth the top. Serve at room temperature. To store for more than a week, seal the top with a 1/4 inch layer of melted clarified butter.

Try this for a really yummy treat:
Pub Fingers
Pub Cheese
Whole wheat bread

Preheat the broiler. Spread pub cheese on a piece of whole wheat bread, and bake in the broiler until the top is nicely browned. Cut into strips and munch with your favorite beer. You can also cut these up into squares and use them instead of croutons.

Custardy goodness!

So, a few nights ago I made a horrible mess in the kitchen, however dinner was well worth my time. The conclusion to dinner was a rockin' custard with a spiced plum topping. The garam masala helps tie the plums in with the banana flavor and coconut milk.

Yogurt Custard
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 TBSP white sugar
2 eggs
3/4 cup milk (I used coconut milk)
3/4 cup yogurt (I used a banana vanilla blend)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBSP flour
2 tsp cornstarch
pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 375 F, and set a 3 quart pot of water to simmer. Beat the eggs with the sugar. Add milk, yogurt and vanilla and beat until smooth. Add flour cornstarch and salt. Split the mixture between four 8 oz custard cups. Place custard cups into a 9"x13" Pyrex pan, and carefully pour in enough hot water to be above the level of the custard.
Bake the custards for 20-35 minutes, on the middle rack.Check on the custards starting every 5 minutes or so, the centers should jiggle slightly when they custards are done. Remove the custards from the oven and allow them to cool to room temperature. Cover the custards with cling wrap, and refrigerate for at least 2 hours and up to 2 days.

You can experiment with the yogurt and the milk for a variety of different flavors.

Spiced Plums
2 cups sliced plums
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 garam masala
3/4 cup water
1 tsp corn starch

Combine the ingredients in a small sauce pan, and bring to a simmer. Allow to cook until the sauce begins to thicken.

Dinner!

Tonight was a stroke of kitchen genius on my end. There are more dishes there than I care to count, and I weep at the thought of cleaning up, but dinner was amazing!

First order of business was a cold salad of grains and cucumbers, and a mix of veggies and tofu. Dessert was stewed plums over a banana custard. To be completely honest, the main reason for the mountain of dishes was the fact that all of the grains in the salad required different cooking times, and different water ratios.

Multi-Grain Salad
1 cup cooked Israeli cous cous
1 cup cooked lentils
1 cup cooked barley
1/2 cup orzo
1/2 cup cooked split peas
1 cup finely chopped cucumber
1 TBSP olive oil
1/4 tsp basil
1/2 tsp dill
1/4 tsp marjoram
Juice of half a lemon
Soy sauce to taste
Fresh ground pepper
Finely chopped pickle (optional)

Combine ingredients in a bowl. Serve chilled. With this one, really, feel free to play with the grains. Aim for everything to be roughly the same size.

Hearty Tofu Stir Fry
1 pack extra firm tofu, drained and cubed
1 egg
2 TBSP water
1/4 tsp Chinese 5 spice blend
1/4 tsp Blackening spices
1/4 tsp smoked salt
3 cloves of garlic
1 zucchini
1 pint baby portabella or crimini mushrooms cut into quarters
1 cup fresh or frozen corn
1/4 tsp rosemary
Fresh ground pepper
Soy sauce to taste
Enough olive oil to coat a pan

In a small bowl whisk together egg, water, Chinese spice blend, blackening spices, and salt. Add tofu cubes, and coat evenly. Heat up olive oil in a large skillet, and fry tofu until it is lightly browned. Meanwhile in another skillet, heat up olive oil brown the garlic. Add mushrooms, zucchini, corn, rosemary and soy sauce. Cook until about halfway done (the zucchini will begin to soften, and the mushrooms with begin to give off water), and transfer the veggies to the tofu, and continue to cook until the veggies are completely cooked.

Just put in my first attempt at custard into the oven. Here's hoping!